


X-Men Comic Drabbles

by Mara



Category: X-Men
Genre: General
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-25
Updated: 2009-11-25
Packaged: 2017-10-03 18:03:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mara/pseuds/Mara





	1. A Gateway to the Future: A Crossover

Wolverine looked at the weapon pointed at him. "Gateway and I are gonna have a little chat."

"Me too," Jean said quietly, smiling gently at the startled blue-uniformed people around them, especially the one apparently in charge.

"I'm Captain Archer of the USS Enterprise," the man in the center said, slowly standing up. "Who are you, and what are you doing on my bridge?"

Wolverine chuckled. "Would you believe it if I said 'We come in peace'?"

"&lt;bI&lt;/b would," Archer said. "I'm not so sure about my armory officer."

Wolverine and the man with the gun sized each other up.


	2. When It Was All Over

The sky was gray with particulate matter, and distant fires raged, but the shouting and shooting and chaos had died down. Now there was just the silence--heavy with portent, heavy with loss and emptiness.

Scott had fought his hardest, worked past exhaustion into numbness. Now, he sat in a small room, staring fixedly at a wall, fixated on the contrast between a charred hole and the pin-up poster of Marilyn Monroe.

It was the morning after the end of the world, and the last man on earth sat in a room. There was a knock on the door.


	3. After the Labors Were Done: New X Men

Jean always wondered at the naivete of Hercules' wife, Dejanira--so jealous of a female slave she used a false love-spell that killed her husband. The story left many questions unanswered.

How did love become so warped? Why did Dejanira think the centaur who kidnapped her would give a love-spell with his dying breath?

Hercules labored for many years in the service of the gods, Scott labors for The Dream. Dejanira trusted the words of an enemy, Jean trusts in the Phoenix.

As she confronts Emma and Scott, the Phoenix rising in her, Jean wonders if she's any less foolish.


	4. Once a Parent: Uncanny X Men

The sounds surprise him--he recognizes those voices. The X-Men burst through the mansion's door into a shocking scene: confused students being gathered, Guardian flying away, holding a screaming Annie and Carter.

Bobby's shout comes before he can move, but it isn't necessary, because he would have done this anyway.

He streaks through the air, all his being focused on the red and white suit of Alpha Flight's leader, previous friendships thrown aside by his most important rule: Nobody separates parent and child against their will, not while Northstar has strength left in his body.

"Pour ma petite. Pour Joanne."


	5. It's Not Easy Being Blue

"Why are blue skin tones so prevalent in mutants?" Hank asked.

"Interesting question," Kurt said. "Why not hordes of mutants with green or orange skin?"

"The phenotypical variety of hair color I've observed is certainly far greater than for skin. But I will admit a sense of dismay at the thought I might have become orange instead of blue."

"True, true. Blue is somehow more dignified, I believe."

"We haven't asked our esteemed colleague his opinion. What do *you* think, Warren?" Hank asked.

"I think that when Apocalypse turned my skin blue I had to throw out half my wardrobe."


	6. When Villainy Knows No Bounds

"Scott, I've finished scanning Sinister's files, and you won't believe it."

"Hey, Kitty, as long as you don't say Remy is the long-lost Summers brother, I can handle anything."

"Well, it has to do with money."

"Yeees?"

"And how Sinister earns his."

"Kitty..."

"Remember when your computer crashed and you said Microsoft's software was an invention of evil?"

"You mean..."

"That was Sinister. Apparently he thought an unhappy and disgruntled population was good for his plans. Then he created and sold the SUV and convinced junk mailers to move to the Internet."

"No!"

"He also invented the Macarena."

"You're kidding."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea comes from Juliana, who told me she liked my drabbles and also mentioned she'd always wondered where villains got their money. So this drabble is for her! (In the sense that I've borrowed her idea...)


	7. On the Road Again

"On the road again, I just can't wait to get on the road again," Remy warbled, leaning back in the seat of the pickup as if he belonged.

"Damnit, Gumbo, do you have to sing that song? You're off-key and your Southern accent sucks."

"It's all part of Remy's charm. Dat's why you love me."

"No, I don't." Logan took his eyes off the road long enough to glare.

"Yes, you do."

"No, I...I'm not having this argument with you, it's idiotic."

"Whatever you say, mon cher. Can I sing 'Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life' instead?"


	8. As You Wish

Logan growled as he opened the lab door, alarming Hank.

"What is wrong, my hirsute and hitherto-unseen-at-these-depths friend?"

Stomping his way around bubbling retorts and churning printers, Logan spared a moment to glare. "You've been working for two days without any real food or even a damn *nap*."

Just the word made him yawn, although he tried to hide it.

"Bedtime, bub."

"I suppose that my experiments will continue without me for a few hours." Hank yawned again.

"Damn right they will." Logan's hand propelling him out was surprisingly gentle. "In the meantime, rest well, and dream of large women."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title and the last line, as you have no doubt recognized, are from "The Princess Bride". The dual challenges on x_men100 were sleep/dreams and movie quotes. As you can see, I met both :)


	9. Game Night

Bobby stretched his arms over his head and glanced over at Warren, head was bent over a chessboard. Across the board, Scott grinned in triumph, arms crossed as he leaned back in his chair.

Across the room, Ororo and Jean played a cutthroat card game, crowing at particularly nice plays, and Alex was teaching Cain how to play Apples to Apples.

Jean-Paul wandered into the room, looking bored. "Bonjour. And how is game night proceeding?"

"Well, I've learned something this evening," Bobby said, standing up.

"Yes?"

Bobby pointed to his abandoned game. "Never play Scrabble with Hank and the Professor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apples to Apples is a real game, BTW, and probably my favorite game ever. It's a bit hard to find, but well worth the trouble if you like words :)


	10. Scenario 241B

The Professor would be angry, Kitty thought, kneeling in Danger Room. He didn't like her practicing without supervision, but...

Today this scenario had beaten her seven times, belying her claim to be an X-Man.

She could do it. She could.

The center platform rose and Kitty ran up, air made solid beneath her feet by force of will. A gaudy flag hovered as the room attacked, a robot arm slamming into her. Breath whooshing, falling, she stretched toward the flag.

"Scenario over," the computer said.

Alone in her victory, Kitty cried hot tears into the crumpled fabric in her hand.


	11. Monday's Child

"Monday's child is fair of face," Jean-Paul muttered as he surveyed the conference room filled with mutants.

"Hmm?" Hank looked up from the pad he'd covered with incomprehensible equations.

"Rien." Jean-Paul sighed, watching recent arrivals Scott, Bobby, and Alex greet friends and acquaintances, shaking hands and pounding backs. "Merely noting that the apparent connection between the X-gene and--shall we say--a certain level of attractiveness, remains in effect."

Hank blinked and looked around. "You are quite correct. I wonder if that..." His words trailed off as he scribbled further incomprehensibilities.

Jean-Paul sighed. "Eternal Mondays and not one for me."


	12. A Soldier's Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Challenge: What if they weren't mutants?

James waited outside the bar for his buddies. They were due on base in an hour and if they were AWOL, Sarge'd go apeshit.

A click made his highly-trained reflexes jump--almost amusing in a civilian context.

It was a couple out walking and he almost whistled, 'cause the woman was sexy: red hair, short skirt, high heels. Too bad the guy was a geek with tidy hair and an old man sweater.

James grinned at her, the feral grin that earned him the nickname Wolverine, and for just a moment she smiled back. Then she was gone.

Too bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know the comics, Wolverine's real name was recently revealed in "Origins" to be James Howlett.


	13. A Wrong Turn in the City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Challenge: Wrong turn
> 
> Warning: Offensive language

The two lurking men were angry at the world. After a beer--or eight--they'd decided hitting some fags would make them feel better. Baseball bats in hand, they waited near a Soho bar, where too-pretty men danced, leaned close, even kissed.

They saw the perfect victim: dark hair, slim, pointy ears...they could hurt a mutie *and* a fag!

His eyes went wide when he was yanked off his feet, but he recovered so fast they never saw him move. Heads pounding, darkness claiming them, his words pierced like angry arrows:

"I believe you took a wrong turn. Tant pis."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe that "tant pis" can be roughly translated as "too bad" or as my mother always translated it, "tough shit."


	14. Teen Titans Crossover Drabbles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the X-Men100 Comic Crossover Challenge, these drabbles all feature Superboy and Robin of the Teen Titans.

"The Meeting"

The shapely brunette could obviously take care of herself, but Superboy couldn't leave her facing 10-to-1 odds against armed goons.

As he slammed his fist into the guy about to stab her, he noticed something odd: Some punches and kicks she ducked, others seemed to pass *through* her.

Superboy knocked the last two heads together. "Hey, girl," he called, swooping over. "Where'd you learn to fight like that?"

Eyes flashing, obviously unimpressed by his flying, she kicked a goon that tried to sit up. "Call me 'girl' again and I'll kick your ass. The name's Kitty Pryde. Where am I?"

* * *

"Wanna See My Etchings?"

"So, you don't know how you got here?" Superboy asked.

"Not a clue. I'm a college student. Apparently in another dimension," Kitty said, leaning against the wall.

"You know, most gi--women would be a little freaked out."

She ignored his slip. "Well, weird was my business for years. I'm not easily spooked. I'd like to get home, though."

"You better come back to Titans Tower with me, then. Robin'll know what to do."

"This Robin gets a lot of transdimensional visitors, then?"

Superboy shrugged, holding out his hand. "Who knows? But 'Robin knows everything' hasn't steered me wrong yet."

* * *

"Symbolic, Much?"

Kitty leaned back into the couch with a sigh. "You guys aren't much for subtlety, are you?"

Superboy dragged his eyes away from her chest. "What?"

Smirking, she waved her hand. "A giant tower in the shape of a T? Overcompensating for something?"

He ignored the jibe. "Where does *your* team live?"

She looked down. "I left the team last year, but we lived in a mansion in upstate New York, a private school for mutants."

"You didn't have to go to an ordinary school? Lucky you."

"But I'll bet *your* home isn't regularly destroyed by rampaging supervillains."

"Wanna bet?"

* * *

"Tipping the Weird-O-Meter"

"Why is this girl in the Tower?"

Kitty rolled her eyes. "What is it with people calling me a girl? Do I have to kick *everyone's* ass?"

Superboy turned, finding an annoyed Robin standing in the doorway. "Um, she needs our help to get home."

"Home?"

"I'm from a different dimension. I didn't know they came weirder than mine."

"She's a mutant, Rob."

"What, like those purple gerbils?"

"No! She's not trying to eat San Francisco."

Kitty put her head in her hands. "Purple mutant gerbils eating San Francisco. Please send me home soon. I'm starting to miss the Sentinels."

* * *

"Hello, Goodbye, Hello"

Kitty tried to relax as wires and doohickeys were strung around her and the kid they called Superboy paced, getting in everyone's way. (Superboy? Whatever.)

After endless rounds of strange people arguing, calling aliens on a vidphone, and someone named Batman threatening to come and take over, they were finally done.

"Goodbye, Kitty," Superboy said, hugging her.

"Thanks for everything."

Robin pulled a switch and everything went dark. When she opened her eyes, she was lying outside on the ground, three pigs staring down at her face.

"Hi," one pig said. "Welcome to the Farm. Did Snow White send you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't know, the final drabble is also a crossover with Fables, the amazing comic from Vertigo.


	15. Don't Get No Respect: A Crossover

Alex Summers stared into his glass of Glenlivet. "To coin a phrase, I don't get no respect."

"Same here," Kyle Rayner said, waving his green ring under Alex's nose. "Got the most powerful weapon ever and I'm 'the kid.'"

"I'm the little brother. Cheap useless Scott knockoff." Alex handed Kyle the whiskey bottle.

"I'm the guy who took over from the greatest Green Lantern ever. Not my fault he went insane!"

They looked at each other then clinked their glasses.

"Sucks to be the new guy," Alex said.

"Sucks to be the younger brother," Kyle said.

"Sucks to be us."


	16. Batman Crossover Drabbles

"The More Things Change"

Batman pulled his cloak around him, looking in vain for a shadow. The brightly-lit room with windows facing a green lawn was like his own mansion except...cheerful.

"The last thing I remember is turning the Joker over to Commissioner Gordon," he said, facing the room's other occupant.

"You work with the police in your world?" Professor Xavier asked, rolling his wheelchair around the desk. "And they accept you?"

"Some do." Batman shrugged. "I will do my work regardless. There are always those that hate superheroes, whether we're metahuman or not."

Xavier sighed. "How sad to know some things are pan-universal."

* * *

"The More They Stay the Same"

"Why am I here?" Batman asked later.

"Why do you think I know?" Xavier didn't look offended, just curious.

"I think there is little that happens here that you don't know." Batman frowned at a telltale twinge. "Stay out of my mind."

"You're very good at that."

"J'onn would be pleased."

Xavier turned, looking out at the verdant lawn. "I didn't bring you here."

"But you would use me regardless," Batman said. "What *are* you willing to do to protect your students?"

"You understand?"

"More than you know. But there are lines that cannot be crossed."

"Perhaps in your world."

* * *

"Ends and Means"

The Danger Room transformed into a dark city, filled with looming buildings and menacing figures. Atop one building, a costumed shape knelt, watching the students below, preparing to test them.

Scott watched from the control room, surprise mingling with excitement. "He's extraordinarily talented. No X-gene, you say?"

"No mutations," Professor Xavier said. "Just raw human talent."

"We need that," Scott said. "I'll feel much better about their safety when he's done training them."

"I agree. His grasp of tactics actually exceeds yours."

"But..." Scott paused. "I thought he was eager to return to his world immediately."

"He changed his mind."


	17. Fast and Faster: A Crossover

Northstar frowned at the other man. "Non, I have never heard of the Speed Force. My speed is a genetic mutation."

Flash tapped his toes in a rapid staccato that sounded like a woodpecker. "Great. Then you can't help me figure out how it brought me here."

Northstar ran an appraising eye over the red costume that hid absolutely nothing. "There is perhaps someone waiting for you?"

Flash grinned. "My wife. Sorry."

"Ah, well." Northstar shrugged. "Then we should get you home."

"But I've got a friend I *know* would love to meet you. Dick's got this thing for accents..."


	18. On the Town: A Crossover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for Penmage, 'cause she asked :)

"So, what does the well-dressed vigilante do for fun in Gotham anyway?" Jubilee asked, admiring Robin's muscular legs under the green tights.

"Fun?" He stared at her. "Batman didn't say anything about fun. We're supposed to investigate the lab you appeared in."

"C'mon, it's not every day a girl gets zapped into another universe. Can't I have a good time?"

Perched on top of a gargoyle, Robin looked around the gloomy city, then back at her. "This is your idea of fun?"

"Considering that at home I'd probably be doing homework or getting tortured by a supervillain, this is fun."


End file.
